One thing I haven't blogged about is SEX. This blog is about some of the taboos of sex. If I offend anyone..my apologies. Just thinking out loud here. This blog may be the heaviest..deepest yet. Enter at your own risk..
While reading posts on a message board about nonmonogamy..I came upon a thread debating the difference between polyamory and swinging. One poster defined swinging as being only about the sex and polyamory as being more centered on the love aspect. I considered what category I might fall into..and I came to the conclusion that I don't fit neatly into either one of them..but rather somewhere in the middle.
Nonmonogamy is a blanket term covering several different types of interpersonal relationships in which some or all participants have multiple marital..sexual..and/or romantic partners. This can be contrasted with its opposite.monogamy..and yet may arise from the same psychology. The term has been criticized as it implies that monogamy is the norm and that any other way of relating is somehow a deviation of that norm.
Swinging..sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle..is a non-monogamous subculture..treated much like any other social activity..that can be experienced as a couple. The phenomenon of swinging..or at least its wider discussion and practice..may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades..which occurred after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the prevalence of safer sex practices during the same period. Swinging was once called wife swapping in the past..but this term has been criticized as androcentric and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers currently may take part in today's society. It reflects the origins of swinging of actually swapping wives. Many times they belong to swing clubs and often their outside couplings involve group sex. At such planned gatherings for "playcouples"..there tend to be rather strict guidelines on what is permissible in the pursuit of extracurricular pleasure.
Polyamory is the practice..desire..or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory..often abbreviated to poly..is sometimes described as consensual..ethical..or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive..though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies..an emphasis on ethics..honesty..and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic. Polyamory differs from polygamy..which refers to multiple marriage..although the word "polygamy" is often used to refer only to polygyny..one man with several wives. Traditional polygamy is usually patriarchical and often claims a religious justification. Polyamory..on the other hand..is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality..self-determination..free choice for all involved..mutual trust..equal respect among partners..the ideal of compersion..and other mostly secular ideals. As of July, 2009 there are estimated to be more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States.
"Organized adultery" kind of takes all the fun out of it for most people. Though I appreciate the aspect of honesty in that one is doing this with the full knowledge and approval of their primary mate..I can't quite think of it as a "togetherness activity" to be shared with other couples like bowling. I have some kinds of experience and/or knowledge..but I find I enjoy it better when I do it one at a time..even if it's one in the morning and another in the afternoon.
Where do I fit into all of this? I do not believe in "informing the government" of my private personal relationships..so I am what most conservative/conventional folks would call "single"..hence that would make me unwelcome at swingers' events. And I'm sure it wouldn't help me be any more welcome to consider that the term "swinging" itself makes me roll my eyes..I cannot get past the mental picture of monkeys in trees. And though..like swingers..I'm able to neatly separate sex from love..I do not limit love to one partner...but I have other sexual outlets of various emotional types..ranging from rather intense to very casual. Though I'm friends to all of them..the balance tends to fall right in the middle of the sex and love side..which would tend to annoy many polyamorists. However..I am honest with all partners..informing them that I am neither a swinger..nor a polyamorist..I'm a UK fan!. If they are willing to accept that..it proceeds from there..if they are not..no harm done.
Peace out my HALEYUNNS!
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